Milfs and Cougars

I am very close with my father, we talk about damn near everything. Recently he gave me this advice about trying to bed down an older woman.

Fatherly Advice: " My first instinct is to tell you to blow that back out and leave, cuz that is exactly what I would do. but then again you are my son, so I figure I shouldn't say things like that. Be careful she could be one of them cougars! As long as you aren't trying to be her man, I say hit it and leave...don't forget to strap up"

As you can see my dad is terrible at giving advice, and probably the sole reason I have 9 children I pretend aren't mine. But its through these conversations that I often have life changing revelations. It has come to my attention that the days of being excited at the prospect of hooking up with a 26 - 34 year old are winding down. Age wise, I may not be in that neighborhood just yet, but I definitely live in a community somewhere nearby. Soon garnering the 10min to 2hour physical affection of an older woman (depending on who you are, I have to look out for all my fellas out there) won't mean anything. It wont be exciting, it will be like sharing a cubby with the girl who sits in the desk next to you in 2nd grade. you are both in the same class! you don't want that, she's that everyday tail. You want that sandbox tail, you know that brown eyed girl in the 4th grade who you only see at recess. At the risk of sounding like a pedophile, I hope you understand my analogy.

Have you ever been around that older guy, who is I dunno 40 - 65 years old. He sees a woman in his age bracket, who you would never be attracted to at this stage in your life, and he thinks she looks like Halle berry? I don't want to be that guy... I'm afraid to be that guy...In fact my biggest fear (other than alien invasion, but thats another story) is to be that guy. The day saggy titties, crows feet, muffin tops, and mom jeans become my thing, is the day I will become a shell of my former self, a day I never want to see.

My uncle (Dad's little Bro) once told me "Put God first, and don't settle for shit". While he intended for me to apply this to my life as a whole, I have decided to apply it women. It's my rule of thumb now, but eventually I will have to settle, because you can't start going backwards, unless you're famous. Think about it, if Derek Jeter never gets married and, decides to date 22 year old cocktail waitress's when he's70, he's worshiped. "what a guy!" people exclaim as he saunters down the street, "If only I could be him for one day". If a regular guy the same age does that, he's a weirdo, a pervert, and is looked down upon by society. "Eew, you dirty motherfucker! She's old enough to be your grand daughter, find someone your own age", "Why aren't you settling down?, don't you wish you had a family", " stop looking at my chest perv!". See the contrast? Derek Jeter gets to stare at womens chests from now till the day he dies, you my friend are better off signing up for a penthouse subscription, the same day you get your AARP card. Maybe those old guys know what they are doing. Sure no one likes saggy titties, but no one likes to be called a dirty old man either. Which is worse? I suppose in the end it's all relative. Maybe the two limp, droopy faced birds in their hands, really are better than the perky ones, having a wet t-shirt contest in the bush. Maybe when I'm that old I will be content to hold on to what I got, I suppose that's better than having nothing at all.